Realisation of that 'something missing'

Hey, y'all! 

Back to the blog after a while! 

What gets me here almost every time is the need to share, or just record my feelings, my experiences and my thought process. Obviously, I could do that in a diary. 

So why here? 

Well, because in life we're not alone. We all have our separate journeys per se. But we cross paths with each other as we go. So the intention of writing a journal blog is to write, for clarity, of though
ts, of life. And while at it, putting it out there for whoever may be interested. Maybe just to feel that they are not alone. For inspiration. For collaboration. Because there may be others in the same boat as me. Those who may be struggling worse than me, and those that may have found the strategies (or the oars) to paddle through this journey better. 

 And also because I am from that generation where typing comes easier than writing with pen on paper due to our day jobs.  😉

More often than not, these will be ramblings, thoughts, and questions. From and for self. I feel it's important to do this, for me. If you feel you relate, let me know. If you find anything helpful, let me know. If you don't find it helpful, still let me know. Because I am open to communication with myself and others to discover more about myself, human nature and our thoughts and feelings. 

I am a mum of 2 beautiful children, a tween and a teen, so they are at a stage where they need to and want to push boundaries, and explore the world and their feelings. I know it's a stage of life, they may not agree, that they need guidance to make sensible and conscious decisions in life. Navigating thoughts and experiences that will shape their future. So as a mum, I want to support that, enable it and even evoke thoughtful discussions not just between us, but also within. 

But how do I instil that in my kids, without knowing how myself ? There begins my journey. 

We all research and 'google' how to help our kids in various situations. How to deal with various issues. And how to deal with feelings and thoughts. But it is not as easy as just telling someone to do something. 

I'll come to it in another post, but I am reading 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. It sounds so cheesy and basic, but believe me it is not. It is not just about winning friends. It is not just about influencing people. It is about psychology. It is about human nature. It is about influencing and understanding yourself to be better. But as I said, more of that later. I have these few lines from the start of only the second chapter of the book, stuck in my mind. "There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.

Remember, there is no other way."

 So on the subject of kids, we all have our expert hats on. But now think, can we make them do something? Especially tweens and teens? Ok, let's just think about babies or toddlers for a minute. How do we; parents, teachers, and instructors get them to do things? 

Encouragement, appreciation, modelling. So they copy our behaviours because they trust us. But they do it of their own will. You cannot make a baby eat a mashed banana if they don't want to. Believe me. You cannot make a toddler listen to you and follow rules. You can nag them, shout at them, and give them consequences. That may give them a temporary reason (albeit unhappily) to do what you're asking. But they have to want to do it, to keep doing it. They have to understand why something is good for them in the long run. Let us face it, that is the tricky bit to do at that age, making them see logic. They are not mature enough (or are they?) to realise and understand why we do certain things. 

So if babies won't do anything they don't want to do, why would teens? It is human nature to try, try, try again, and again, then fail, fail and fail again and then succeed. 'You gotta burn your hand once to know not to touch fire.' They will make their own mistakes and we have to let them. To understand themselves and grow. 

Then why as an adult, can I not accept that. Our protective maternal/paternal instincts. I have to learn and understand my own thoughts and emotions first to be able to facilitate my kids on that journey. That right there, is what I was missing. A greater purpose. A goal. Not for them. But for me. How do I understand my own mind, my own thoughts so I can understand how they affect each and every interaction I have with anyone around me? 

Just like that. By asking questions. 

We don't have to find answers to all questions NOW. We're too acclimated to instant gratification. Hey Google, what will make me happy? And we expect all the answers right away. 

Well if you're wondering what google said. It wasn't helpful at all. It said "Are you kidding me? Fun could be my middle name, like in 'Google Fun Assistant.' I think it has a ring to it. What do you think, do you like that?" 

 No Google, I do not like that. You completely evaded my innate question! But sometimes, or rather always, we should think for ourselves. Work on finding the answers. It's a journey. Not a slap-stick answer that would only suit a meme. As I read in some articles by Darius Foroux on stoicism, you wanna be alert. To listen, read, analyse, think and then act if necessary. Stop outsourcing your thinking to others! 

Read that again! Powerful right? 

So, for now, my purpose is just the pursuit of knowledge(again thanks to Darius Foroux for that phrase). It's a vague goal, some would argue. But it's a beginning. That little sentence, a little spark, drove me into action to read, learn, and analyse. Isn't that something to celebrate? 

 I am so excited to find that missing something. To grow. Like a tree in all directions. 

You can join me on my journey and share yours with me. We don't have to agree or believe the same ideology. But the more we communicate, and the more we collaborate, the more we learn! And the more we learn, the better we get at understanding ourselves, understanding each other and in turn, building a better world for us all.

Stay curious. Stay creative.